Today Brit and I decided to grab lunch at Players Retreat to
catch up on our failed and blossoming relationships while we ate and drank away
our feelings.
The weather was beautiful so we sat ourselves outside. I have only ever been to Players’
Retreat to grab drinks and watch basketball, I had never been to eat. I had heard the service was kind of
sucky, so I wasn’t expecting much.
Our less than friendly server who will remain nameless
(because he never gave us his name) brought us menus and water. Shortly after he brought us our brews
and took our orders. I asked for
his suggestion and he told me that he was currently eating a huge, yet
affordable turkey club sandwich in the back so that’s what I ended up ordering. Brit kept calling our server “derpy.” I suppose he wasn’t not-friendly, I
think he was just stoned.
Brit goes “I’ve never seen such a derpy guy in my entire life!” To be honest, I never even really knew
the definition of “derp” until I met this guy.
I digress. We
also ordered some mozzarella sticks for a starter. Sorry there isn’t a picture of them… we started stuffing our
pie holes before we could remember to snap a pic.
About the time it took for Brit to finish her glass of water,
our meals came. She got the burger
and I got a monster turkey club.
Today is Steven Tyler’s 64th birthday and I couldn’t have
ordered anything more appropriate.
The thing was ginormous and you literally have to stretch your mouth out
as far as you possibly can to take a bite of HALF of it. The Demon of Screamin’ would have been
so proud to see his biggest fan gorge her face the way I did.
The turkey club was divided into four triangles held
together with the biggest toothpicks you can buy and it was layered like this:
bread, mayonnaise, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey,
bread, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, provolone, bread.
I must say that in contrast to the sub par service, my sammy
was DE-LISH. The wheat bread was
only slightly toasted. It was a
golden brown and the sugars were brought out ever so sweetly in the bread
without making it too crispy or leaving it too soft. There was enough turkey to feed a small family on
Thanksgiving, needless to say I took a nice nap once I got home after the
turkey/beer combo. The tomato and
lettuce on it tasted fresh. The
sandwich wasn’t drowned in mayonnaise at all. I hate when places have it dripping and oozing out of the
sides and you have to use a thousand napkins to keep your hands clean. There was hardly any mayonnaise on the
sandwich at all so for me, it was muy perfecto.
The kettle chips that come with the sandwich must be loaded
with MSG or some other sort of addictive drug such as the crack cocaine or
meth. They tasted good. In my opinion they were nothing to
neither rave nor bitch about… however I couldn’t stop scarfing them down like a
famished, starving, and abused dog at the pound. No matter how full I got, I just kept eating and eating and
eating and eating them.
Anyway, Players Retreat was good mostly because I was in
good company. The food was pretty decent
but I have certainly found better things to rave about around downtown
Raleigh. I’d stick to this place
for beer and basketball.
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